Another Tunnel

I finished up doing yard work with Devin and went home. Sat down for a few minutes, then got ready to attend graduation. For some reason my anxiety struck me as I was prepping for it. I was going to be sitting on the gym floor behind the graduates and possibly meeting families. I knew I had to look my best, especially because if I didn't it would get back to others and the judgement would begin. With these thoughts, and a bit behind my preplanned schedule, I began shaking. I took my meds so I could focus on getting there in a timely manner.

I was in shock as I approached the school. It felt like I was entering the Rouff parking lot for a concert. The graduating class was 110ish students. Although I was early, I knew by the looks of things I would be late. I found my parking spot and walked in with 5 minutes to spare. Heart racing.

This year the faculty were to wear a robe and stole- mine was multicolored for my master's degree. (I felt special.) I got my robe on, filed into line and made it to the "packed house" gym. Things began with the national anthem and a prayer, moved into speeches, students walked across the stage and ended with a quote from the bible during a prayer.

As I was sitting through the ceremony, it hit me. This event was a trigger. It took me to my first year at Warren (97-98) and part of first year initiation was crowd control at graduation. My mom had Devin that day. She called me at work because she thought he had ring worm. I was able to make it home and get him to Dr. "Devins" who diagnosed him with scarlet fever. Who has scarlet fever? My kid! Who had graduation duty that night? I did. And being my first year, I didn't know how and wouldn't dare get out of my duty. So I got dressed and headed to Market Square Arena. (Warren was the only high school permitted to have graduation at MSA. Impressive, I know!) I drove up the parking garage ramp in tears because my baby has scarlet fever. I find Harry. Harry is a Warren legend. The master jedi of the school. He is retired but shows up every day to do whatever is needed. I doubt there are many "Harrys" out there these days. Harry, his bald head, and mustache was dressed in his uniform- gold colored short sleeved dress shirt, black tie and black jeans. He stops me and I roll down my window to get directions on where the faculty is to park. I am sobbing when Harry greets me. He asked, "What's wrong honey?" I tell him about Devin. He says "This is what you're gonna do. You'll make a u-turn up there and go home." I explained that I can't because I needed to sign-in in the hospitality room and do crowd control with another teacher. He said, "Your duty is to go home and take care of your son." And with Harry's permission, I made a u-turn and went home, fearing that I would be "called on the carpet" for this.

This is my mind.